As you may know, 2017 was a rough year for us. In January, we had a miscarriage caused by a rare partial molar pregnancy which was followed by a D&C surgery to remove it. It was a 6-month minimum timeframe for recovery consisting of blood draws every other week. UGH!
What I didn’t share with you, is that after 6 weeks, I was still gaining weight and my hCG levels started rising which either means I was pregnant (which I was not) or it may be cancer (what the F!?). My body was feeding this growth as if I were 5-months pregnant. I went in for another surgery to remove the mass that was the size of an apricot. Thankfully it was not cancerous.
At that time, I shared my blog post about The Guest House poem, by Rumi, that life can be messy, but none of it is to be discounted as unnecessary or even avoidable. Every guest had a gift or lesson to share. I had an unwanted guest and a lot of sorrow, but I had to stay open to it’s lesson. I had a really difficult time last year, and I often felt hopeless, ugly and ashamed.
In each of my classes I begin by setting an intention, while also reminding my students to detach from that intention so they can flow with life with grace and ease rather than resisting it.
Last year was the lesson to not resist the present moment and to surrender.
No one wants to suffer. But you see, suffering is inevitable and unavoidable. Suffering includes trauma, sadness, stress to small annoyances and even uneasiness. Of course we have our preferences, but we will not always get what we want, how we want it and when we want it.
The one constant is change. Like the night turns to morning, the sun will rise again, and there will be light.
Just as there is suffering, there is also joy. Joy is the exhilarating, exciting, happy moments as well as the contentment we can find in the mundane ones.
We ebb and flow in between.
I was finally cleared in November 2017 to try again, almost one year later. Apprehensive of the journey ahead, I trusted that the night had passed and it was dawn.
I can happily announce that we are 15 weeks pregnant! It is new in the pregnancy, and given our history, I am understandably a little fearful. What I have learned last year from surrendering is that life is so much better when you don’t resist it. I am more trusting that the Universe knows our path and can guide us better than we can. So, I sigh…and smile…and surrender some more knowing that life is not static. It flows. I allow myself to experience Joy.
What are you currently experiencing that you are resisting?
How can you experience a little bit more joy in your current circumstance?
Would love to hear from you in your comments below!