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Meet Fat Kid Freddy

You may look at me and not see that I battle daily with food. I’m an addict. A lot of the time I am in control and can choose healthy options for my body. But every meal choice is a struggle. Some people have alter egos. Beyoncé has Sasha Fierce. I, unfortunately, have Fat Kid Freddy. The name is not to be demeaning. He loves anything fried, cheesy and creamy. He has a scarcity mindset that if I don’t eat those dang French fries NOW, then I’ll never be able to have them again…so might as well eat them. When he is in control, I travel down a shame spiral into guilt, self-loathing and disappointment.

I was at the whole foods this week, literally standing at the juice bar ordering a juice and saw donuts next to me (why do they put donuts next to the smoothie bar?). Without thinking, I quickly added a glazed apple fritter donut. Then after paying for my fritter and juice, I did a B-line straight to the thanksgiving bar (yes, they still have it out!) and plated a box of mashed potatoes, gravy and macaroni and cheese. I scarfed everything down and saved the juice for later. This is Fat Kid Freddy in full effect. There is no scarcity. There is no famine.

Some people can’t understand my struggle. My husband is a lucky one who can eat the same healthy meal each day, easily viewing food as fuel. I, on the other hand, am an emotional-eater, dreaming and plotting of what I ‘feel’ like eating next.

Meditation and yoga has helped me so much. By quieting my mind through meditation, I know that each step forward is ultimately a step inward to understanding myself, my addictions, habits, and thought patterns. I don’t need to resist fat kid Freddy. Whatever we resist, persists, and has a stronger hold on us. Instead I need to hear him out and see what he needs. By stilling the mind, I understand that I am not a victim. I have choices. Instead of unconsciously reacting, I have the power to step back, create space and consciously choose what best serves me. I deserve to feel empowered, worthy, taken care of and loved.

Mantra: When upset, don’t eat. Instead I have the power to go inward and feed what I really am yearning for.

Share what your shadows and demons are and how you lovingly deal with them in the comments below.

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2 Responses to Meet Fat Kid Freddy

  1. Andrea January 16, 2017 at 10:43 pm #

    Audrey,

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It is a subject near and dear to my heart. I have also struggled with food, since I was 9! My journey to ending this battle started almost 20 years ago. I have tried all different types of therapy, OA, food allergy testing, hormone testing, hypnosis, energy work; the list goes on and on. I agree that mediation and yoga have been extremely helpful, mostly because it has allowed me to be more mindful in all areas of my life. AND, I would say by far the most helpful ‘thing’ that has worked for me is an understand of what it means to be human. I study a branch of psychology called The 3 Principles. I have had insights about the true source of my human experience that it has completely changes the way I view the whole situation. A miracle is a shift in perception and that is exactly what has happened for me.

    We all have a state of perfect health and wisdom inside us that can ONLY be covered up by our own thinking. That thinking creates the reality we see, out of which we think, feel and act. All painful feelings and behaviors come from our thinking, NOT from anything outside of us.

    When I had my insight about food and body image, I saw for the first time, that no thought or feeling (even these crazy habitual ones) is constant, ever. I saw that my mind was just doing that habitual thing is has been doing for 20 some years; it was just doing its job! I saw that I didn’t have to listen to it and I didn’t have to act on it. I still get catch up in my thinking (I am human), but it has become much easier to ‘deal’ with stressful thoughts about food and body image. When I have the awareness and can remind myself that it’s just a thought and it will pass, my stress level immediately drops and when that happens, my true wisdom guides my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

    I could go on and on about The 3 Principles. If you want to know more or chat further, I’d love too!

    Thank you again Audrey! Have a wonderful day :)

    Love,
    Andrea

    • Audrey July 18, 2017 at 3:26 pm #

      Andrea,
      That is so insightful! Thank you so much for sharing! I would love to hear more about it. I think a lot of us struggle with our habits and conditions of our mind. Thank you for taking the time to write it our. Love it!

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