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Why Men Love Bitches

Last week, a friend gave me a book called “Why Men Love Bitches.” I’m not exactly sure what he was trying to suggest, but I do appreciate him thinking of me and writing inside the cover that I’m “the most UN-bitchy girl” he knows. Gracias!

Anyway, I did a quick read through this book and didn’t agree with much of it. However, there is an amusing section called, “The Other Team’s Secret Playbook” which specifically talks about why a lot of guys try to play it cool while dating women. Now, there’s an interesting subject! The theory is that most guys try to act cool, because they don’t want to come on too strong, be vulnerable, or take the chance of getting hurt.

In order to deal with these “cool” guys and to not appear desperate or needy, the author suggests that girls ought to back away, play dumb, and not make time for him (evidently that’s the bitch part). Many of the men polled in the book said that they actually have strong emotions and feelings, but they often decide to not become too emotionally engaged with a girl, because they are afraid of appearing to be vulnerable and weak. So they close off their feelings to protect their heart and make them appear to be cool and, hopefully, more desirable.

This got me thinking about how our society places unfair and unrealistic expectations on people, like encouraging men to guard their feelings to appear strong and encouraging women to be bitches to appear independent.  All of this highlights a specific problem.

Without question, there’s a proper balance between oversharing and having open, honest communication with someone who has earned it. There’s a balance between being an all-too-eager beaver and trying to be too cool for school. My big question is this – At what point can you stop playing the game and just be real? In my experience, a man who is confident, communicates openly, and is in touch with his feelings is exactly what women want. It’s certainly what I want.

All of this highlights a specific problem. When we put up walls, hide behind our masks of insecurity, and adopt emotional armor to try to protect our fragile hearts, then we don’t let ourselves be truly known and seen. We lose ourselves and drown our souls in that process. In the end, being authentic and vulnerable is the only way for you to remove you masks and let yourself be truly seen. In this way you are able to meet another person heart-to-heart rather than mask-to-mask.

Authenticity and vulnerability are what people are drawn to. When you are authentically you, the right people will be drawn to you because you are secure, courageous, healthy, passionate, free, open and living a full life – and this is sexy!

So, I encourage you to take down your walls and expose your heart, remove your masks and let your authentic self be seen. Take the chance to ask that girl out, even if she may say no. Openly share your thoughts and feelings with your friends or partner, even if you’re concerned how they might respond. Go for it! In your authenticity and vulnerability, you have the courage to live to your truest self and to your highest potential. This is your chance to be you.

 5 Minute Meditation: Breathe in: I move from a place of love and open communication. Breathe Out: I release fear.

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2 Responses to Why Men Love Bitches

  1. Marc Napoliello March 22, 2014 at 7:31 pm #

    Great Article Audrey ! I found it Very
    encouraging to know that an amazing woman like yourself thinks like this.

    It’s nice to know that at least the kind
    of woman I want to spend time doesn’t
    want me to act like that.

    Sooo many guys try to be cool or even act like they really don’t care in the beginning. A lot of them think that’s what the girl wants. They meet a great girl and then don’t call her for 3 days thinking that they have to play it cool and act like its No big deal. I never got that. Don’t girls want to feel special and like a big deal?
    Anyway… It’s nice to know that the good ones will respect & appreciate the lack of game playing on my part.
    If I am anything, I am authentic, honest, and rather Vulnerable. At least now I know for sure that I’m doing something right.

    Thanks, : )

    Marc

    • Audrey May 2, 2014 at 6:09 pm #

      Thanks Marc for reading and resonating with my blog post! You’re awesome! :)

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