You know that scene in Sex & the City, where Carrie is talking about her relationship with Burger and Samantha tells her the test of whether you want to be in a relationship or not is like THIS or like THIS? If you know what I’m talking about then air high five – you are my soul sister! Or soul brother!
It sounds like a pretty simple barometer of how to tell if you should be IN a relationship or get OUT of a relationship, but I think we over complicate things. I know, I get you. Love can be complicated and matters of the heart shouldn’t be taken lightly. Moreover, it’s not realistic to believe that love is going to always be a celebration, or easy and bring constant happiness.
But when you can step back from your monkey mind and that messy clutter of your thoughts, you know if the relationship is making you smile or if it’s not. And I think if you truly got quiet and tuned into your feelings, you will know the answers. I share this thought in episode 36 and 38 where you have all of the answers within you and your feelings are your internal GPS system guiding you to those answers. If you tune in, your gut feeling will show you if you should stay or run for the hills.
This doesn’t relate to just relationships. It can be used in all aspects of life.
Let me ask you, “What is keeping you up at night?” There is definitely a difference if you’re waking up at 3am totally excited and inspired for a project or if you wake up at 3am feeling anxious, stressed and worried. Like right now, it’s 2:50am and I’m writing this mantra Monday episode because this subject has been on my mind and I felt motivated and called to write.
I had 3 friends this week ask me about their relationships, sharing with me what their concerns are about their significant other and a lot of their complaints (he doesn’t listen, he’s aloof and not calling me back, I don’t think he’s that into me, he is not empathetic to my feelings or trying to understand where I’m coming from). I know we usually share our complaints with our closest friends more than we share our celebrations, but when you are piling up complaints, this is a sign to take a closer look at your relationship (or job, or project or situation or whatever is keeping you up at 3am) and see if it’s making you smile or frown.
You are not in the business of piling up red flags. You are in the business of finding joy and engaging fully in all that life has to offer you. So, what is your energy? Are you like THIS or like THIS?
Feelings are your internal GPS. They are like little intuitive signs that are trying to give you direction. Sometime it’s a stop sign, or a turn sign showing you to change your direction, or sometimes it’s a big ole’ red flag. We get over emotional when we get caught up in our feelings and create stories around them.