I’m pretty much of an open book. I’ve shared with you about my depression, postpartum vagina problems, my dad’s death… pretty much everything. So, I’m gonna share that I’ve been in a mini-funk lately. It’s been about a month that I’ve felt below-the-line energetically. I haven’t felt creative or inspiring.
I’ve been really resisting this blah-ness too by continuing to strive and push harder, thinking that if I DO MORE, I’ll feel less crappy.
Have you ever felt like you’re putting out effort but going nowhere?
You take 2 steps forward but take 5 steps backward. When this is happening, you know you’re not in the flow – you’re in resistance.
Last week I listened to Les Alfred, of the Balanced Black Girl Podcast, and she shared that she was in a creative funk too and said, “You don’t have to harvest all the time.”
This really resonated with me. You don’t have to harvest all the time!
I don’t know …maybe it was the Hunter Moon…maybe it’s the change of season …but it really got me thinking:
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to always strive for more? Why do we hold ourselves to such high expectations? Why is it hard to welcome and accept taking a break?
Sometimes I feel like I’m on a treadmill and want to get off, but I’m not sure how to get off. Just step the f*ck off! It’s a choice. You have the power to step off the treadmill and take a break when you need it. You don’t have to keep going.
In fact, if you keep going, you’ll be exhausted and depleted. You can’t run a sprint or a marathon forever.
Similarly, you can’t drive a car without filling up for gas. It’ll break down. You’ll break down too. You need to fill up your tank. It’s essential. Whether it’s personal or societal expectations, we put so much pressure to “BE.”
For example, I have expectations of myself to BE productive, BE ON, BE inspiring, BE funny, BE happy, BE creative, BE this, BE that. To BE is a verb, not a noun, not a destination.
“TO BE” is a verb of being present to how you’re feeling right now and honoring what you need in this moment. It’s okay to feel any and all of your emotions. In fact, it’s really healthy because you’re living a balanced life.
Progress is not linear.
Just like we have different seasons, change is always going to be a constant and something you can count on. Sometimes you’ll feel ON and sometimes you’ll feel OFF.
Ok, so maybe you’re not in a creative funk and you are on fire, killing it and in the flow of life. That’s so awesome for you! We’ve all been in the flow at times and we know what that feels like and it feels amazing. We’ve also been in that funky area, you know the gray area where we feel blah, we’re uninspired or creative. When I heard her say “You don’t have to harvest all the time”, a light bulb went off in me. Sometimes you’re just cranking, and sometimes you need to be chillin’.
We have to honor both the Yin and Yang sides and be okay with slaying it AND chilling.
This really resonates with me currently, because it’s my dad’s one year anniversary of his passing next week. I’ve been pushing myself striving to do all these different projects, not taking breaks, putting a lot of pressure on myself and having extremely high expectations and not giving myself very much grace, and honestly feeling pretty shitty, uncreative and unproductive in the process.
I’m resisting the resistance when I don’t feel in the flow. When I’m feeling this I know it’s time to step back, pause, breathe, tune in to my heart, and see what I need.
So my invitation to myself and to you if this resonates with you, is to view the word “be” as a verb, not a noun or a destination, not something to look forward to, or reach towards or have expectations about, but really to BE, as a verb, present, in this moment.
As soon as I got quiet and saw the reason why I wasn’t feeling productive, I realized I’m not supposed to be striving right now. I’m supposed to be healing and taking care of myself, nurturing myself, going inward not pushing outward, being kind and gentle, and maybe do a little hibernating and kind of going with the flow of the seasons.
When you tune into your body and be present to what it’s trying to tell you, you can “Be” as a verb, not a destination. You can really nurture and take care of yourself and trust the wisdom of your body to guide you.
However you’re feeling, know it’s totally okay to feel it.
You do not have to harvest all the time.
*Link to podcast coming soon